Thursday, January 1, 2009

Raw(e) Distracted by Fear & Hope

**Now that the contest is over, I have added a little edit. I blurred my last name and the name of my doctor. Just a little too much info out there for my comfort level!!

**This post is backdated because my children don't know any of this at this point, so I didn't want it on the first page of my blog where they might find it.

Sami at Sailor & Company is hosting this great photo contest. The photos must be completely raw and unedited. I literally had to remind myself of that after I uploaded and my first instinct was to start cropping.

This weeks Raw(e)theme is distractions. What is distracting you from your family, your housework, etc.?

Right now, my biggest distraction is fear.

I turned 42 at the beginning of January. At the end of January, I realized I am pregnant. To say I have lived in fear since that day would be an understatement. I am terrified that there is something wrong with this baby. I don't mean just a minor birth defect sort of issue, my fear is that there is something fatally wrong.

These ultrasound pictures are from the day I had my nuchal translucency screening. I got a call a few days later telling me that something in my bloodwork was measuring too high, and I was being referred to a high risk clinic for a more in depth ultrasound. That appointment is April 1st. The waiting is torture.

Meanwhile, I have piles of laundry, unmopped floors and toys everywhere. I am living with the fear of the unknown, and have been unable to focus on anything I need to do. Some days, it's hard to even get up and get moving.

It really wasn't until after I looked at the photos I took this morning, and saw this one, with the Japanese Magnolia reaching up to the heavens, that I realized I am also living with a great amount of hope. I have great hope that the baby is fine, that all this fear and worry is for nothing.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:22






15 comments:

Pajama Mama said...

Absoutely beautiful. Be joyful in hope....

Sailor and Co said...

Wow. This is beautiful. Wow.

MamaBear said...

What would we have without hope? Hang in there Susan!

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Faith said...

This is a really beautiful image for a really difficult time for you. Praying you will find peace in your storm!

Jess :) said...

This is an incredible picture. WoW. I am really enjoying this whole Raw(e) post each week because I find blogs I don't think I would've otherwise.

No, I do not know you, but that doesn't mean I can't pray for you. And PRAYING is something I WILL DO for you. :) Just wanted you to know.

Thank you for sharing your 'distraction'...rather amazing story.

Sephysmomma said...

Congrats on your win! I love this picture!

Krystal said...

Congrats Susan on a gorgeous picture and for winning! Praying for a healthy baby and pregnancy.

Cindy@FromSeedstoSunflowers said...

Praying for your situation.I am praying that God would bring you comfort during this waiting period and that there would be complete healing for your baby! I pray for wisdom for the doctors, strength for you and for your family. Blessings to you,

Julia said...

wow. beautiful picture. i will be following your story. praying for good news on Apr 1st!

Julia said...

beautiful pic! i will be praying for you!

Trench Mommy said...

Wow. This picture speaks volumes. What a beautiful, thought-provoking visual reminder.

Lisa said...

OMG!!!!! This is a beautiful photo. How are you doing. Have you found anything more out!?!?!?!?
How in the world did I miss this?

Shawna said...

Congratulations on your new baby girl. I'm so happy everything looks okay. And I love the photo!

Alisha said...

Beautiful!

COUNTRY MOM said...

Susan, Congratulations on your pregnancy. It was good to hear from you. I hope we can keep in touch and write more often.

Hope you are feeling great. When is your due date? Many Blessings,