Raw(e) Distracted by Fear & Hope

**Now that the contest is over, I have added a little edit. I blurred my last name and the name of my doctor. Just a little too much info out there for my comfort level!!

**This post is backdated because my children don't know any of this at this point, so I didn't want it on the first page of my blog where they might find it.

Sami at Sailor & Company is hosting this great photo contest. The photos must be completely raw and unedited. I literally had to remind myself of that after I uploaded and my first instinct was to start cropping.

This weeks Raw(e)theme is distractions. What is distracting you from your family, your housework, etc.?

Right now, my biggest distraction is fear.

I turned 42 at the beginning of January. At the end of January, I realized I am pregnant. To say I have lived in fear since that day would be an understatement. I am terrified that there is something wrong with this baby. I don't mean just a minor birth defect sort of issue, my fear is that there is something fatally wrong.

These ultrasound pictures are from the day I had my nuchal translucency screening. I got a call a few days later telling me that something in my bloodwork was measuring too high, and I was being referred to a high risk clinic for a more in depth ultrasound. That appointment is April 1st. The waiting is torture.

Meanwhile, I have piles of laundry, unmopped floors and toys everywhere. I am living with the fear of the unknown, and have been unable to focus on anything I need to do. Some days, it's hard to even get up and get moving.

It really wasn't until after I looked at the photos I took this morning, and saw this one, with the Japanese Magnolia reaching up to the heavens, that I realized I am also living with a great amount of hope. I have great hope that the baby is fine, that all this fear and worry is for nothing.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

Psalm 33:22